After that, I joined the Growing around Grief group sessions. This felt like the perfect follow-up, as I got to meet others in similar situations. While everyone’s grief is different, we found common ground and learned not just to handle our grief but to embrace it, own it and feel the pain.
Ursula’s story: forming new friendships through grief
You may remember Ursula’s story from our Precious Time Appeal, where she shared how St Gemma’s cared for her husband, Pete, before he sadly died in October 2023. Since then, Ursula has been supported by our bereavement team and wanted to share how their guidance has helped her navigate her grief and find a way forward.
“After Pete died, I knew I wanted to explore the grief counselling offered by St Gemma’s but I couldn’t do it straight away – I needed to get my head around and process what my grief was like first.
In February, when I felt I was ready, I had one-to-one counselling for six weeks. My counsellor, Carol, was brilliant. The sessions helped me to understand what I was going through and reassured me that everything I was feeling was normal.
We explored different grief models that really resonated with me. One that stood out was the idea of ‘grief bombs’—those unexpected moments when a smell, a tune, or the smallest thing can trigger a wave of grief. Understanding this helped me accept those moments when they hit.
Another metaphor that stuck with me was ‘riding the river of life.’ Grief can feel like crashing against rocks, being tossed around by the current, and then—eventually—finding calmer waters. That visual helped me accept what I couldn’t control while learning to navigate what I could.
After finishing the group, I felt both the one-to-one and group sessions had given me what I needed and I wanted to then move forward.
Among the group, four of us really clicked—Lorraine, Mandy, Sharron, and me. Mandy set up a Messenger group and wittily called it ‘The Merry Widows’. Now, we message each other all the time. If one of us is having a rough day, we check in and lift each other up.
We’ve met up for dinner, danced the night away at the Viaduct in Leeds, and even gone to see Culture Club! We all have a laugh and share what we’re going through – the good and bad.
There’s something to be said that while people can empathise, if you haven’t been through it it’s not quite the same. Having these friends who truly understand helps so much.
St Gemma’s has given us incredible support, not just in coping with our grief, but in helping us forge new friendships. The team is brilliant—so caring, always there when someone is struggling.
My advice to anyone going through loss is to use the bereavement support St Gemma’s offers. It truly helps. I know that without it, we wouldn’t be in as good a place as we are now.
If you’d like to find out more about the bereavement support we offer at St Gemma’s Hospice, visit www.st-gemma.co.uk/our-care/how-we-can-help/for-families-carers/bereavement-support/