Bereavement Support & Bereavement Counselling

Grief is a natural reaction following the death of someone close and it is a very individual experience. Bereavement may cause deep sadness, distress and unexpected feelings such as:

disbelief   anger   guilt   panic

This extra emotional distress may cause acute tiredness.

You may find yourself coping with your grief by keeping busy or distracting yourself from painful feelings. Other people around you may be coping differently from you and it might be difficult to connect with them. You may also be trying to protect each other from distress.

You may feel others are avoiding you, maybe because they are embarrassed and do not know what to say. You may need to let them know if you want to talk about the person who has died and that you need their support. Particularly if you have children, or work or other commitments, you may need space for yourself in which to grieve.

Grieving takes time. Though it may be difficult to believe it now, most people gradually begin to feel less raw and are able to rebuild parts of their life again, although that life will be different.

Some people find it helpful to talk about how they are feeling, which can relieve some of the distress you might be experiencing.

Individual Support
We offer confidential individual bereavement support and counselling It may help you to explore your feelings and look at what is specifically troubling you. We offer an initial appointment followed by up to six sessions in the first instance. Towards the end of these sessions, you and your worker can explore whether further support would be helpful and we are able to offer up to another six sessions. All sessions are weekly and can be face to face or by telephone/zoom. We offer appointments during the day Monday-Friday and also one evening per week.

Bereavement Café
Our Bereavement Café meets on the third Friday morning of the month from 10am until 12pm. This is a social group for people who have experienced a bereavement in the last two years and over 8 weeks ago. It is a space for people who have had similar experiences to meet and provide mutual support in a relaxed atmosphere. Staff and café volunteers from the bereavement service will also be there. Refreshments will be provided. People are welcome to attend the café for up to one year.

Growing around Grief Group
We run a structured 6 week group for people who have been bereaved in the last year. The group is an opportunity to meet other people in a similar situation, to explore how we may experience grief, how we remember our important person and look to the future with hope.

Please contact the Bereavement Team on 0113 306 9167 if you would like to find out more about any of the support detailed above.

We have children and young people’s bereavement workers who can offer support and advice to parents, carers and families. The Young People’s Service run regular events and activities for children and young people to have fun and meet other young people who have had similar experiences. It is a challenging time for young people and their families when someone is terminally ill and after they have died. In some circumstances children may require additional support and then individual sessions can be offered.

Please visit www.st-gemma.co.uk/young-peoples-service or call 0113 218 5500.

Registering a Death

If your family member or friend dies at the Hospice, our doctors will complete the Medical Certificate and a nurse will explain the next steps. You may asked be about the person’s preference for burial or cremation so that we are able to complete the Certificate for Burial or Cremation (also known as the ‘green form’).  You may also be asked about your choice of Funeral Director, if you are using one, but please do not worry if you are yet to decide.

The Next of Kin will be asked to appoint a ‘Nominated Informant’.  The Informant’s details will then be passed on to registrar. In the days to follow, the registrar will contact the Informant to issue the Death Certificate. For more information go to Register a death (leeds.gov.uk) or call: 0113 222 4408.

The Death Certificate will need to be given to the Funeral Director this can be sent electronically by the registrar.  We recommend purchasing several copies as you are likely to need certificates for dealing with: probate, bank and building society accounts, insurance companies and solicitors etc…  If you require a copy more urgently there is an express service. For more information go to https://www.leeds.gov.uk/births-deaths-and-marriages/certificates/order-copy-certificates or call: 0113 222 4408.

For St Gemma’s patients who have been cared for at home, a Community Nurse from the Neighbourhood Team is often involved.  It is important to contact the Neighbourhood Team when your family member/friend dies as they can advise you on what to do next. They will visit to confirm the person has died (known as formal verification of death).

If the nurses are not able to verify the death or if the death is unexpected you will need to contact the GP, or the out of hours GP service via NHS 111. They will arrange a visit to confirm the person has died.

Contact the Funeral Director, if you are using one, and they will come after the verification has taken place. A doctor will need to complete the Medical Certificate.  They will forward this to the register office along with the Next of Kin/Nominated Informants as described above. Normally the St Gemma’s Hospice Clinical Nurse Specialist will contact the Next of Kin after the death.

Planning a Funeral
Planning and making choices about the funeral of a loved one is an important part of the grieving process. Children and young people can be involved in these decisions and it will help them to feel part of the day.

Many people seek help from a minister, priest or faith representative. They are happy to support the family and carers in planning a service in a place of worship, at a cemetery or crematorium. Funeral directors will put you in touch with a minister of faith at your request.

If you have no particular connection with a church, synagogue, mosque or temple and you want advice about a non-religious funeral there is help available to arrange a funeral of your choice. Please contact us for details.

Burial or Cremation?
This choice will be influenced by your faith and cultural background. If you choose cremation you will need to consider what you want to do with the ashes of your loved one afterwards.

Many children attend funerals and find this useful. Often it is a family choice as to whether young children attend. Whether they are attending or not, it is useful to…

• Explain clearly what will happen
• Encourage questions
• Have someone who is appointed to accompany the children who is not directly bereaved so they can support the children
• Let them help with the arrangements
• Be aware that others may think that children should be ‘protected’

Children can contribute to funerals by sending a letter, toy, photograph, flowers, etc. to be incorporated in the service.

Here are a selection of Funeral Directors in Leeds: